Saturday, 8 November 2014

The long-term effects of OCD - and why I'm not blogging much any more

I haven't been adding to this blog much lately, but that isn't really a problem. I don't want to spend my whole life discussing chronic illness. It is emotionally exhausting, and I am also working on different writing projects.

I just felt the need to do a quick update. I am still struggling with IBS, skin rashes, PCOS, endometriosis, etc. My migraines and headaches don't seem to be as bad these days. I obviously do have the dyspraxia and other issues, but I am so used to living with these issues now. My mental health is up and down, but I am really trying to stay positive and I feel that I am making progress, although with frequent setbacks, and much ongoing stress.

The one thing that I have been thinking about, and which I wanted to mention, was how self-conscious I feel about the long-term damage and ageing which the OCD seems to have caused to my hands, which were one of the few physical features that I actually liked about myself originally. The weird thing is that, when the rashes on my hands clear up, as they have at the moment, I actually become more aware of, and distressed about, the long-term damage, which I have caused myself through the OCD. Even now, I can't stop doing the over-washing, and in a way, unless I feel that there is some hope of making my hands look "okay" again, it is difficult to believe that there is any point now. I am just so aware that I have messed up my own hands, when there was no need, and I am continuing to make it worse, but I can't stop. By the way, the rashes on my hands are the only ones caused by over-washing. My other rashes are due to two different forms of dermatitis, and are something different.

Love and peace, and thank you for reading this blog post. Please read my poems on my Facebook page. I am not directing people to my Tripod site at present, as the number of irritating video advertisements that they place on my page make the site dysfunctional, but I cannot afford to pay for site hosting, which is why I use free websites and blogs.