Maladaptive Daydreaming and Dissociation

I have just discovered the term "maladaptive daydreaming", and I feel overwhelmed. I cannot believe that I have never heard of it before, as this is something to which I totally relate. 

I first heard the term in relation to Dissociative Identity Disorder, which I don't have, although I do experience dissociation, and many aspects of DID overlap with my own mental health issues. I have now done a search on Google, and there are people discussing "Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder" or "MDD", although it appears that this is probably not yet an official diagnostic category.
 

I have been trying to piece together my own jigsaw, due to the lack of interest and support from the mental health team, none of whom will even seriously discuss my depression with me, since changing my "primary diagnosis" to OCD. I know that they often resent my attempts to investigate my own mental health, and to learn about mental health disorders in general, but I only want some answers, and to find out what is going on with myself. 

I am also interested in finding out about different mental illnesses, so that I am in a better position to help and understand others. 

I am so fed-up with hearing that people shouldn't "self-diagnose", with either physical or mental health problems. I wouldn't even be diagnosed with dyspraxia had I not first "self-diagnosed", later having the diagnosis confirmed by professionals. Self-diagnosis can be dangerous, but so can just "going along with" what you know to be an inaccurate or incomplete diagnosis.

Anyway, I am going to research "maladaptive daydreaming" some more. I don't feel ready to explain it yet, as I am only just discovering about it myself, although believe me, it is nothing new that I am hearing about. The only aspect that has come as a shock to me is that there is actually a name for something which I have experienced since childhood.

Self-injury

I am aware that self-injury is a difficult subject. It is controversial and widely misunderstood - and for many of us, addressing the issue can be emotional and deeply painful. 

I am also conscious that my last post was about depression. This blog was, and is, not intended to be exclusively about mental health. It is a blog about chronic illness, both physical and mental. 

However, the issues that are on my mind at a particular time will tend to be reflected in what I feel the need to write about, and this seems unavoidable. I have been thinking a lot about self-injury, and in a way, I need to write this post, in order hopefully to move on.

I shall start with the term "self-injury". Perhaps the more commonly used term would be "self-harm", and I must admit that this is the one that I have generally used myself. However, I am using self-injury here, as it is more specific. Self-harm is a broad term, which covers addictions, eating disorders, and so on, as well as self-injury. 

Self-injury usually refers to "cutting", although people self-injure in many different ways. I will only use the term "self-harm", for the purposes of this post, when I feel that self-harm, in the wider sense, is applicable to what I am saying. I hope that this is not too confusing.

Self-injury is not the same as attempted suicide, and this needs to be made clear. Many people who self-injure do have suicidal thoughts and feelings, and people who self-injure may also, at some point, attempt or seriously contemplate suicide, but self-injury in iself is not attempted suicide. It is a coping mechanism, although not a healthy one. It is a way in which people survive and deal with emotional pain, which they could not otherwise endure. It is particularly important that self-injury is not confused with attempted suicide, as this also leads to genuine suicide attempts being dismissed as "self-harm" or "self-injury".

As to whether self-injury is for attention - occasionally, yes - but usually not, and often people will be desperate to hide self-injury scars. People's motives and personal issues vary, but in my experience, most people who self-injure are not attention seeking.

People who self-harm are likely to suffer from depression or/and anxiety, but most people with depression or/and anxiety disorders do not self-harm. There is a much stronger specific associaton between self-harm and, for example, BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder), both of which usually result from trauma, particulary in childhood.

It is a misconception that self-injury is either an exclusively "teenage issue", or an exclusively "female issue". It affects people of all ages, and males as well as females. This needs to be recognised so that more people feel able to openly discuss their problems and experiences.

I have not mentioned much about my own experiences here. I have "cut" in the past, but I don't currently, and I have never had a serious problem with cutting, compared to many others. I have mainly used another method of self-injury, with less severe, long-term consequences. I still use this method of self-injury at present. I am trying to reduce how frequently I do this. I wanted to discuss this subject, not only because of my own experiences, but because it concerns me in general, and because I do know others who self-injure.

I find it draining to write these blog posts but, if one person out there feels less alone as a result of reading my words, then it will have been worth the effort. I have felt so alone, with so many struggles throughout my life. Nobody deserves to feel that way.